Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Bookish Personal Ads

MobyLives tipped me off to the hilarious personal ads at the back of the London Review of Books. A few examples:
  • Dear Academic Commissioning Editor. There is no greater exposition of Guy Debord’s commodity cycle than the advertising campaign for Magner’s Irish Cider. Please publish my thesis. Or make love to me; former Whitbread employee and part time Birkbeck PhD. M. 37.

  • Possession is nine tenths of the law. Unless it’s possession of an A class drug, in which case it’s up to seven years, or an unlimited fine, or both. I’ll be out in 18 months though, probably, until then why not write to M.31 better at optimism than he is at transporting the Persians.

  • Without my grandfather’s contribution to agricultural reforms in 1912, this nation would currently have to import its turnips. While you think about that I shall remove my clothes. Man. 55.

  • I cast a magic spell on you. And now you are reading this advert in a literary magazine that exists only in your mind. Soon you will fall in love with me. When we meet, the odour will not concern you. Mr Mesmer: amateur hypnotist, professional shrimp-farmer (M, 51). Also available for weddings and birthdays.
If you want to see more, go here (scroll down to the personals).


Zibilee said...

I love these! I had not seen these before, but they are wonderfully silly, and I'll be checking them out. Thanks for posting this, it made my day!

D. Lang said...

This one has to be the best..."I dream of the day when I can make love to you all (red-haired women to 25) with reckless abandon. Man, 72."