Worst Opening Sentence to an Imaginary Novel

The Bulwer-Lytton Contest is “[a]n international literary parody contest … honor[ing] the memory (if not the reputation) of Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873).” The winners are those who submit the worst opening sentences to imaginary novels. This year’s winner in the general fiction category is Garrison Spik, a 41-year-old communications director and writer from Washington, D.C. who submitted this entry:

Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped "Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J."

To see the winners in other categories, visit the official results page.